where do you find motivation?

I don't find it in a lot of places.. I find inspiration quite often and in a lot of things, people, places, pictures, actions, achievements.

motivation is pretty different. especially when you feel sleepy as I do right now.. which is ridiculous, I slept almost eight hours.

anyway. motivation is different. I find a lot of it in spite. when it's made clear, or expressed by someone or a group, that I need to be a certain way.. I just can't. I have to find a different way. just because I know it's there and it's possible, and because I can't stand taking directions. when I'm put in a corner, I find a way out. unboxable, as Tristan puts it :P

anyway. god I feel shitty. sooo tired. gotta do work. this is a nice koa tree:

call me naive

I feel like.. ok, if you say so, everyone's fake. fine. everyone in a spotlight is fake. do you believe that?

even if someone is "fake".. maybe for the most part, even in the spotlight, if they have to be fake, ok. they're still a person. I respect WRITERS. ok, if you can't freestyle, if you were an actor first, cool. I'm right there too. I love acting! Daysha! thank you for casting me and helping me realize that acting is awesome! I love it, I've never taken classes, it's whatever. I rap too. does that mean I can freestyle? I can battle in the streets? on radio? on video? fuck you.

I can write, and that's what I respect, that's what I care about, that's what I live. eat a dick.

one blood

every time I hear those words, some sort of violence follows. it's beautiful, magnificent irony.

we're here to love in one way or another, hm.

yes, yes, post inspired by a movie, bullocks right. green street hooligans.

I can only learn

from experience. I don't like being taught things verbally or through text :| it doesn't matter what the consequences are, I just have to try it myself if I feel so inclined.

this doesn't have to do with anything by the way, it just came to mind and I thought you should know, snoop bloggy blog.

ha, my daily, courtesy of tarot.com:

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Thursday, Dec 3rd, 2009 -- If you have strong feelings for someone special today, you could easily turn your unspoken attraction into a bit of an obsession. But being in denial about your desires isn't healthy because your hidden feelings can leak out into your external life now, putting a strain on your interactions. Transform your personal needs by focusing on a higher purpose.

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O WERD? lolllll. my interactions are strained, uh ohs.

I am transforming my needs, though. higher purpose ftw, amirite? tf is a higher purpose and where do I find it?

it's in you somewhere.

hey, you

what did you want to be when you were little?

I wanted to be the "Arrowhead water guy". I wanted to drive that truck. delivering water. the truck just looked so awesome with all that water on it. it was beautiful. I was 5. it was meant to be.

my roommate and I just created a new drink called the banana split.

50/50 milk. (half and half, hence the 'split')

99 bananas.

hazelnut liquor.

mmmmm.

seriously, what did you want to be? I think it's one of the greatest human faults to not be striving for what you want to be doing. I hate when people (and people that do this) SETTLE, and stick to a job and life that they absolutely loathe to make a decent amount of money and buy whatever they want.

man :[ I hate money

I could get myself fired from my job tomorrow if I slip. anytime in the next 4 weeks, actually. good ol' probation. what if I slip?

I'll move to hawaii for a couple months. write my business plan. and come back.

never settle :'[ it breaks my heart

we're here

the final frontier

still jammin' with RJD2

sippin' brandy alexanders..

I call 'em Curtis

'cause they're made with 50/50 milk, get it

sippin' a Curtis... noooo homo

spilling random thoughts feels nice.

when I marry, I hope I won't need a blog.

I should start writing that book, and that business plan.

backspaces aren't allowed.

moron

where am I going?

my left ear's infected. right one's healed and ready for new life.

fuck, man.

that awful sound, bang bang..

I used to shoot you down.

always on point

stars, you remind me of myself. you don't like lying, do you?

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Tuesday, Dec 1st, 2009 -- It's hard for you to set professional goals now, for your perceptions are clouded. You may feel scattered and fear you won't be able to get your work finished on time. Unfortunately, you might worry so much that it can have a negative impact on your productivity today. Don't judge yourself so harshly; you'll have a clearer sense of what's happening after the Full Moon tomorrow morning.

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amazingly on the money. :[

I wonder if I'll wake up in the morning and at least be able to finish my work faster. poorly-performing employees exist because they are not doing their hearts' work. why do I have to be like this?